Everything men need to know about periods (and were afraid to ask)

* Note: For the purpose of clarity, this article refers to women as those who have periods and men who don’t but dara & co acknowledges that menstruation is not tied to gender.

Remember that ad for Tampax Compak where the guy thinks the tampon is a sugar packet? And his girlfriend reminds him he’s on a diet to save her from the inevitable shame she will endure when he realises she deigned to bring a tampon into the public sphere? Yeah, me too.

For too long, periods have been a taboo subject. Growing up in Catholic Ireland, there wasn’t much emphasis placed on being open about your bodies. I remember one day in primary school, my teacher asked all the girls to stay behind when the bell for lunch went. Once the boys had left, it was safe to reveal the big secret: a box of pads – gasp! She advised us that, if needed, we could simply take one and discreetly shove it up our sleeve.

I believe this teacher had good intentions and was most likely trying to spare us from any embarrassment. But all I remember feeling that day was an overwhelming sense of dread that I might one day require what was in The Box and accidentally reveal its contents to the boys, blowing our cover and violating the sacred girl space. Why did the boys have to leave the room? Why did it have to be shrouded in secrecy?

In the spirit of keeping the men in the room, I’m going to answer a few seemingly simple questions that you guys (and maybe even gals) may not have been 100 percent sure of – no shame required.

Q. Can you get pregnant on your period?

Yes. The chances are low but it’s possible. It all depends on the length of a woman’s cycle; the average is 28 days but it can be much shorter. Sperm can live for up to five days inside a woman’s body, so, if she has unprotected sex during her period (start of the cycle), it may still be viable at ovulation (middle of the cycle). Bottom line: if you don’t want to get pregnant, birth control should be used at all stages.

Q. Can you pee with a tampon in?

Yes. Despite confusion in some circles, a woman has three holes down there: urethra, vagina and anus. As the tampon sits in your vagina and urine comes out of your urethra, you don’t need to remove it when you pee – you simply move the string to the side to keep it clean.

Q. What do cramps feel like?

It varies. Just like cramps vary in severity depending on the person, the sensation can also be different. Sometimes it’s a sharp twinge that comes and goes, and other times it’s a dull ache that lingers. It’s not just confined to your lower abdomen, either. The pain can run like waves down to your pelvis and upper thighs, and even across your lower back. When it’s mild, it’s mostly uncomfortable and slightly hard to ignore, like pins and needles. Although it can vary, the pain should never be unbearable – if so, then it’s time to visit a doctor.

Q. Can you have sex on your period?

Yes. While some women might feel bloated and sore (translation: not very sexy), others feel more aroused during their period due to increased levels of oestrogen and heightened sensitivity. You might think, ‘Ugh, period blood is gross.’ But is it really grosser than semen or vaginal discharge? Sex is often messy and full of fluids – hardly the time to get squeamish. That said, there’s nothing wrong if it’s not your or your partner’s thing.

Q. Does the pill stop your period?

Technically, yes. If a woman takes the combined pill (which includes oestrogen and progesterone) as intended, there will be a seven-day break where withdrawal bleeding occurs. This is not a real period; the pill prevents thickening of the uterus lining, which is mostly what’s shed during a period. The withdrawal bleed is a response to the absence of hormones. If a woman takes the progesterone-only pill (sometimes referred to as POP or the mini-pill), it’s possible that their period will stop completely.

Q. Does every woman get PMS?

No, but most do. In fact, Mayo Clinic suggests that as many as 3 in 4 women experience symptoms of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). However, some may be reluctant to attribute their mood to this due to the stigma around ‘PMSing’, a phrase that has become code for acting like a bitch. While heightened emotions are often used as a way to delegitimise women’s opinions, it’s important not to dismiss intense symptoms – such as depression, anxiety, or extreme irritability – as they could be a sign of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), a more severe form of PMS.