Tainted Love: GSOH essential, as long as you’re not the butt of the joke

When I saw on Facebook that comedian Greg Davies was going to do his first tour in seven years I was elated. I signed up for the pre-sale and, despite numerous attempts, Ticketmaster would only allow me to buy one ticket for his run in Vicar Street next year. Suddenly, the idea of going by myself seemed like just the right thing. It felt like a milestone in the healing process from my break-up in 2022.

In readjusting to single life and living alone, watching Greg became part of my daily routine. Whether it was Taskmaster, Man Down, Cuckoo or storytelling on the Graham Norton Show, his childlike joy, wit and warmth were consistent and comforting. Now I’m relishing the idea of experiencing him live on my own – and hoping I can restrain myself from breaking into his dressing room!

Securing the ticket made me ponder the role humour played in my relationship with my ex. In the beginning it was definitely something that drew me to him. The story about his clothes being stolen at the swimming pool and having to walk to the nearest pub in only wet trunks and motorbike boots went down a treat early on. I also enjoyed his idea for a parody of the Bourne series, The Bourne Identical, as he is an identical twin.

It’s no wonder that so many people cite ‘GSOH’, or good sense of humour, as essential in a potential partner. Being surprised by the punchline of a joke triggers the brain’s reward centre, spurring the release of the feel-good neurotransmitters dopamine, oxytocin and endorphins. As the relationship went on, I believe this was the glue that kept us together.

Lying in bed on Sunday mornings, we would often hear the sound of clip-clopping hooves on the street outside. We used to have a recurring giggle at the notion that this was really two guys running along hitting coconuts together. We also cracked up over imagined visual puns involving oversized inflatable letters – a man with a huge letter Q around his waist (stuck in a queue), a woman running after a giant letter X (chasing her ex), and so on.

A time came, though, where a lot of his jokes stopped being funny. They had turned into digs and put-downs. Once, he asked me did the room feel smaller because I’d put on weight. And he started to call me ‘Peri Peri Tomato’ when I was having hot flushes from perimenopause. When I told him I was struggling with these symptoms and such comments were hurtful or offensive, he’d say, “I was only messing. Where’s your sense of humour?” When breaking up with me he said I had let myself go and lost my personality.

I’m glad to say that I’m now at a stage of recovery where I can look back on the laughs we had with fondness again. I’m back to my old lighthearted self – but very mindful that there’s a lot more to a healthy relationship than purely sharing a GSOH. (With Greg Davies, however, this would be enough!)

If your confidence has been rocked by a bad relationship, check out our masterclass with life coach Mark Fennell for practical steps to rebuilding up your self-image.